Dealing with Conflicts

Matthew 5: 20-26
Ezek 18:21-28 / Psa 130: 1-8

Go first and be reconciled with your brother, then come and offer your gift.
(Matthew 5:24)

For the sake of peace, may I be meek,
To do what is right as Jesus would,
And even offer the other cheek,
To understand, than be understood.

Jesus said to his disciples: “I tell you, unless your righteousness surpasses that of the scribes and Pharisees, you will not enter into the Kingdom of heaven. You have heard that it was said to your ancestors, You shall not kill; and whoever kills will be liable to judgment. But I say to you, whoever is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment, and whoever says to his brother, ‘Raqa,’ will be answerable to the Sanhedrin, and whoever says, ‘You fool,’ will be liable to fiery Gehenna. Therefore, if you bring your gift to the altar, and there recall that your brother has anything against you, leave your gift there at the altar, go first and be reconciled with your brother, and then come and offer your gift. Settle with your opponent quickly while on the way to court with him. Otherwise your opponent will hand you over to the judge, and the judge will hand you over to the guard, and you will be thrown into prison. Amen, I say to you, you will not be released until you have paid the last penny.” (Matthew 5:20-26)


The Pharisees and scribes projected their so-called righteousness by meticulously following the Mosaic laws in external practice. But Jesus knew they wanted to kill Him because of their extreme jealousy and prejudice. So Jesus pointed out that their pious posturings did not exempt them from the sin of murder, because their hearts were full of anger against Him. He reminded them that their festering hatred made them liable to God’s judgment, just as those who insulted others were liable to their own Sanhedrin as well as to the fires of hell. Then Jesus took this occasion to teach them and His followers about the importance of resolving personal conflicts. You cannot establish a loving relationship with the Father unless you are first reconciled with your own brother. And you must establish the same spirit of reconciliation with your enemy as well – if not for the sake of love, at least for the sake of your own peace of mind. Your debts to God may be forgiven, but no debts to men must remain unpaid. “You will not be released until you have paid the last penny” (Mt.5:26).

Human conflict is a natural occurrence in life which happens due to our different beliefs, values and concerns. It is more than a mere disagreement – it is a situation in which we perceive a threat to our personal or social well-being. If not managed carefully, conflicts can damage relationships. But more often, the causes of conflicts are much smaller than the perceived harm, and the wrong responses only manage to “turn molehills into mountains”. Properly addressed, however, as Jesus exemplified in His words and deeds, the resolution of conflicts can lead to spiritual growth, mutual respect, and even the transformation of the wrong attitudes of our adversaries.

The best behavior that one must have in the face of conflict is accommodation. “Put yourself in the other’s shoes,” is how a mediator would say it. Setting aside our position in order to understand the opposing party is a more constructive strategy in reaching a resolution than taking a more combative stand to gain the upper hand. “Yield to build” sounds like a better motto than “Compete to defeat.” Accommodation, respect, understanding and humility are essential tools in resolving conflicts, but just as important are honesty and courage. Jesus never held His punches when He condemned the Pharisees for their pride and hypocrisy. Dealing from a position of honesty and courage will earn the respect of our adversaries.

Father God, our Lord Jesus said, ‘Blessed are the peacemakers,’ for they shall be called Your children. Help us to offer first our hand before our thoughts, and seek first to understand before we try to be understood. May Your grace help us to gain wisdom in times of conflicts. Amen.

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